Modern Love: The chase goes on
You know him as Chase, he knows you as Baby. And it’s not because you were special enough to warrant a pet name. Give the boy some credit, it’s hard to juggle ten Mandys, six Brittanys and three Emmas. And it’s even harder when considering that in Chase’s world, the applications are rolling and the class is never filled. His thirst never quenched, his hunger never quelled, this veteran is always on the prowl. His parents hit the nail on the head: Chase is all about the chase. To call him friendly would be a gross understatement. Some might be tempted to call him a ladies’ man but for those of us who really know him, he is every lady’s man.
You might think that on a small campus, such habits couldn’t last, however, Chase’s charm turns every day into a lucky day. What began as first-year folly- a crude access of primal hormonal desires- has evolved into an art form. And like a skilled craftsman, Chase has perfected his trade.
Our craftsman navigates his daily life with ease, balancing his “baby”(s) like a house of cards.
Avoiding public displays of affection and sleepovers and steering clear of “the talk” are merely tricks of the trade. However, there is one day a year that poses certain logistical challenges to our artist: Valentine’s Day. Yet there is no mountain too high, task too arduous, or river too deep to deter our man.
The day of love: a culmination of a years’ worth of work. Today is the ultimate test of our man’s craft, but true to form, Chase rises to the occasion. He starts his day out in the bookstore, buying heart-shaped boxes of chocolate and touching Hallmark cards. Chase is already armed with an answer to the judgmental glares of the cashier. “You may be wondering why I am buying all these cards: my Baby deserves the best.” Little does the cashier know, “baby” is a blanket term.
Chase keeps it simple with the cards. Each one reads: “To my baby: you’ll always be my number one. Love, Chase.” But the efforts of our artful dodger to spread the love don’t stop there. As a seasoned veteran of the field, Chase knows that in the big leagues, a card won’t cut it. If 1-800-FLOWERS was having any troubles before the fourteenth of February, Chase fixed that with a swipe of his parents’ Mastercard. But as they say, you have to spend money to make... Promptly at noon, multiple bouquets of a dozen red roses arrive on campus.
At this point, countless girls have been convinced that they have found the one. But Chase knows that the worst is yet to come. For a man averse to choosing, he is forced to pick a dinner date and a slumber companion. Chase will not let himself be governed by the laws of nature or constrained by the limits of time.
Luckily, Chase is a math major, and keeping track of so many dates and digits is right up his alley. With four dining venus and a three hour time slot in which to dine, Chase knew that he would only make it through the night if he created a strict schedule for himself. He dutifully sent out texts that read as follow: “Meet me in ____ at____ for a quick dinner before practice. Can’t wait to see you, baby.” Chase may have eaten 11 dinners over the course of three hours, but he knew he would be working it off later.
Crisis averted; another successful Valentine’s Day. The Chase goes on, and the girls on the Hill have certainly not seen the last of him.