On the elusive female orgasm
Females are the only mammals that have an entire organ that is purely dedicated to pleasure. Unfortunately, some women on this campus are embarrassed, even disgusted by the idea of getting to know this organ and how help it reach its full potential. What is the organ you might be wondering? The clitoris. Now girls, be honest: Do you know where yours is? Do you know how to use it?
The purpose of this article is to raise some significant questions as to why women on our campus and in our society are made to feel self-conscious of their own bodies to the point that they are unwilling to admit to masturbating or—even worse—don’t masturbate at all.
Our mission is to improve the overall sexual experiences of women on this campus and we think the key to this is encouraging talking about and engaging in masturbation. The female orgasm can last significantly longer than a male’s and can be substantially more intense, however, it is elusive and therefore much harder to achieve.
Things we’ve heard and overheard on and around our campus:
“It’s gross down there! I don’t want to touch myself.”
“I’m embarrassed to let a guy go down on me. I really don’t enjoy it at all.”
“I’ve never masturbated before!” (Look of total shock and horror.) “I can’t believe you do it!”
Women!! It’s your own, capable, wonderful, gorgeous body! Who told you that it was off limits to you??
Much of our culture, either directly or indirectly, makes women feel as though they can only experience life in moderation. We, as women, are not allowed to have an abounding appetite for food, for fear of gaining weight. We cannot enjoy success and power in our careers for fear of outdoing our male counterparts. And heaven forbid we display sexual yearnings because it would intimidate and undermine male dominance. While men can joke about “helping Mr. Kleenex’s children get through college” with their daily wacking-off, women are perpetually discouraged from engaging in the corresponding act.
Do we want to be a college where people only have mediocre sex? Women, it is time for you to explore down there yourself so you can tell your partner exactly what you need. If you don’t know, how will he or she?
In our society men are allowed to practice and talk about masturbation on a routine basis. Women, however, are made to feel embarrassed, or are made to feel that they aren’t allowed to have a sexual appetite. These women have been cast off as nymphos and freaks.
We are taught by society that our pleasure comes second to men’s pleasure; not to say that the female orgasm isn’t important, but it seems to be so hard to achieve that most couples, and women settle for less. Good sex is therefore defined as when the man is able to reach climax. Great sex is when both partners climax, but that is often out of reach. This is most likely because women are afraid to reach down there themselves.
You don’t need be a nympho to know how to get yourself off! It is time that the everyday girl admits to owning a vibrator (ladies, we know you have one, and if you don’t, you want one). Why can’t we talk about this among close friends and—more importantly—intimate partners? Recently, we asked a male friend what he envisions when he thinks of a “sexually liberated woman.” He began describing a voluptuous Amazon beauty dressed in tight black lace—a highly sexualized vision.
NEWS FLASH! Sexually liberated women are in our classrooms, living down the hall, and eating breakfast, lunch and dinner in our cafeterias. You know that girl in sweatpants and a Colby sweatshirt sitting around in the spa? She is totally liberated. Women of Colby College, why are you so afraid to get know how your very own body works? The silencing of masturbation and sexual liberation has resulted in pure tragedy. It is something many men dread but many women have resorted to: faking it! Sex is not a play rehearsal ladies. Stop acting!
Lets stop faking it and start figuring out it out! The point of faking an orgasm is to bring a faster end to sex. Some of the reasons for why a woman might desire a quick finish are because: the sex has either become uncomfortable, boring or just generally not pleasurable. So she does what she has to in order to fulfill what her partner expects. She puts on a show and orgasms. She fakes it and gets free. But who benefits from a faked orgasm?
This ignorance doesn’t help men getter in bed. The women is left certainly without the pleasure of an orgasm, and maybe even feeling incapable of one entirely. Faking it is a short-term solution, but it creates long-term problems. Women, be active in bed! Know what you want and tell him how to give it to you. The first step is the hardest—figuring out what makes you tick. By encouraging conversation around the subject of female masturbation, women can be more comfortable in their sexuality and in tune with their bodies’ needs.
Now that the issue is naked in front of us, we’d like to go about addressing some solutions. First and foremost be patient, and find a relaxing, quiet atmosphere and get to know yourself—and your vagina/clitoris—a little better. Everyone is different so don’t get frustrated if an orgasm doesn’t happen right away. Practice makes perfect, and it will take practice. It will also provide you with a better set of directions to help you point your special someone down the right path to total pleasure. We can’t emphasize enough that communication is key in order to heighten your experience but to develop your vocabulary you have to know what you’re talking about.
So girls, we’ll leave you with three words of advice: hit the clit(oris)!