A series of gut reactions to the Presidential candidates:
I don’t know who took Newt Gingrich’s lucky charms, but it’s not funny anymore. Give them back and no questions will be asked.
Rick Perry has repeatedly denied being drunk at his zany speech in New Hampshire (along with some of his more humorous debate performances). This does not seem to be working; perhaps he should try being drunk for his next campaign stop.
Jon Huntsman seems to be a stable, reasonable individual with well thought-out policy positions. The Republican primary voters are going to rip out his heart and cover his corpse in their own excrement.
Michele Bachmann really needs to tone down the eyes.
Herman Cain recently said the following: “I’m a man of faith, I had to do a lot of praying for this one, more praying than I’d ever done before in my life. And when I finally realized that it was God saying that this is what I needed to do, I was like Moses. ‘You’ve got the wrong man, Lord. Are you sure?’” Herman Cain declined to add if God asked him to sexually harass four women; we can assume that this was implied.
While I would not vote for Ron Paul for President, I would certainly vote to spend a Saturday afternoon on his front porch, drinking Mrs. Paul’s famous lemonade and hearing Ron talk about the good old days.
I was in Ubeki-beki-beki-beki-stan-stan the other day and it’s actually a pretty nice place. The hot dogs are great and the streets are clean and well-lit. Herman Cain should consider a visit.
Rick Santorum should try to pay attention when grown-ups are speaking. He might learn something.
Barack and I were catching up the other day and I asked him if he was worried about any of the Republican candidates. Then we had a good, long laugh.
In the next debate, Mitt Romney could literally walk onto stage, take a hit of crystal meth from a light bulb, and beat a small puppy to death and he would still be the most electable candidate in the Republican field (disturbing side note: while researching that last sentence, I found that there is a website with the following url: www.smokingmeth.net; something should probably be done about this).
Newt Gingrich may not have the folksy appeal of Perry, the charisma of Cain or the calm character of Romney, but he sure is unlikeable.
Michele Bachmann’s campaign recently stated that, if elected, she would be the first person elected President directly from the House of Representatives since Abraham Lincoln. That’s nice. If Chandler Bing were elected, he would be the first character from a popular television show elected president. If a weed whacker were elected, it would be the first piece of lawn maintenance equipment elected president.
While it may trouble you that there are really no good options to vote for next year, you should remember that your vote does not matter at all.