“I equate oral sex to kissing.” She said it so confidently that no one in the room could actually think of a reason to disagree—“both involves the mouth, so how could it be any different?” I’m amused and amazed by the politics of oral sex. How can a woman be forced to give oral sex? Why do women feel guilty for receiving? Why do men expect it? Should you use protection when having oral sex? And is it even sex?

Forgive me for the hetero-normativity of this opinion, but I don’t know enough about the power dynamics in LGBTQQI relationships to tackle oral sex in that realm, and I am also not seeking to imply that anything I write cannot happen to a male, I just don’t know—if you do please do share. Last year, Echo writer, Lindsay Putnam conducted a survey on oral sex to determine how students on the Hill feel about the mouth on genital act, and 218 students responded. The article reports: “Only 30 percent of those participants felt that oral sex should be considered sex.”

“Sixty-three percent of students also responded that they would be more likely to engage in oral sex than have intercourse during a first-time hook-up, while 37 percent said they would be less likely or just as likely to engage in oral sex as they would be to have intercourse.” The article continues to list the dangers of oral sex, the somewhat complicated emotional detachment associated with oral sex and the deluded satisfaction and pleasure roles. But a year later, it seems that oral sex politics are still frustrating the females (and perhaps the less vocal males?) on this campus.

I’m going to clear this up right now: a female can definitely be forced to give oral sex. If she does not feel she has any other option because her reputation is on the line, or the male is physically bigger than her (and thus intimidating, even if its unknowingly), or she is too drunk to actually process what is happening, it counts as forced oral sex and it can be considered sexual assault by Maine Law. She may not understand what happened but it can be traumatizing. I have a friend that transferred after our first-year after it happened to her. Back then, I had no clue what she meant but then I learned how often it happened here so I began to talk about it. Men, if she really wants to have oral sex with you, wait until she’s sober (the law does state that consent cannot be given drunkenly). Women, if you really want to have oral sex with him, great, but make sure it’s what you want to do (and vice versa!). Everyone, it’s never okay to use a women’s sexual freedom to bring her down—this is a double standard that does not happen to men as frequently. Some students here worry over what stories are shared in the locker room, over the dining room table, and through text messages, if they do or don’t engage in the act. It’s not fair, but we cannot give up or give it up just because we think if we don’t our reputation is sunk. We are making what should be a pleasurable and intimate act—scandalous.

Men, if she performs oral sex for you, she’s giving you a gift. Don’t say thank you, she’s not a whore, but respect her. This is not something for you to judge her on with your buddies. If she’s good – don’t let them know so they can have a “go.” If she gives it up—then that doesn’t mean she’s easy. Remove slut from your vocabulary. Oral sex is a lot more enjoyable when there is a sense of respect and trust between both parties.

The female orgasm is important; so ladies, please don’t feel guilty for receiving. There is a lot of negative energy and a taboo nature associated with the vagina but that ends today. Be proud of who you are and the power that you have. Slap on that dental dam, and let go at it. Both parties should always wear protection for oral sex—even though it seems bothersome, brushing your teeth and Listerine isn’t enough, you just never know what’s out there.

So now, the only question that remains: is it even sex? I don’t know. That’s your personal opinion. Both kissing and oral sex involve the mouth, great, but one of the mouth’s main capabilities (that we’re lucky to have) is speech. So talk it out, with that lucky someone, your significant other, a friend, your team, someone in the health center, or anyone you trust. We’re in 2011, there’s no reason for silence. Empower yourself.