What does that spell? Babcocks!
The most important factor in the college decision process, for me, was school mascot. Unlike a schoolâ€™s other attributes, a mascot will follow you for your entire post-collegiate life. I came to Colby with the proud knowledge that I would forevermore be labeled a Mule. But after an entire year at this fine institution, I am beginning to question our mascot.
Please donâ€™t misinterpret my intentions. I think the Mule is a great mascot and a terrific representation of the student body. We are stubborn. We are sterile. We typically weigh between 50 and 1000 pounds. I am not saying there is any particular problem with our mascot. I am merely saying we, as a college, can do better.
Before you start your objections, permit me to say this: I can cite precedent. Exactly 100 years ago, in the year 1923, in this very newspaper, an editorial was written suggesting that Colby adopt a new mascot: the Mule. Joseph Coburn Smith, a man not unlike myself, with nothing to his name but an impossible vision and a strong jawline, changed the face of Colby College forever.
But what, pray tell, is my idea? What could possibly replace our beloved Mule? I have, after undergoing great personal sacrifice and spending almost 35 seconds on Colbyâ€™s Wikipedia page, arrived at an answer. Like most of you, I have a pretty good idea of who my favorite past president of Colby is. I would like humbly to suggest that we rebrand our mascot by naming it after my personal favorite past president: Reverend Rufus Babcock.
What makes Reverend Babcock stand apart from all other past presidents, you ask? What are his qualifications? My friends, with a name like Rufus Babcock, one does not need qualifications (other such names: Cornelius Hammerfist, Lord Henry Bluebeard and Seamus Swordhands). I would like nothing more than to stand in a sea of spectators all shouting forth for the Fighting Babcocks.
There is, I realize, one tiny problem. I have no idea what a Fighting Babcock would look like. That is why I have gone to great lengths to organize a contest. Any member of the Colby community who would like to participate should submit his or her best drawing of a Fighting Babcock to my personal email address, email@example.com (just kidding, sir, please donâ€™t expel me). Alternatively, you may submit your drawing by spray-painting it on the side of Eustis. The winning entry will be used as a model for the new mascot and will also receive the eight Skittles (assorted colors) currently in my pocket.
I realize it may be hard at first. I realize that the extinction of our noble Mule would leave a mighty big hole in Colbyâ€™s collective heart. But friends, I believe the Fighting Babcock could fill that hole. I believe that, with time, we could learn to know and love this new mascot. I dream of a day when I can stand among countless Colby fans, chanting our perennial chant at deafening volume. And our enemies, they shall fear the Fighting Babcock.