Somehow “Tom Terrific” just doesn’t quite cut it. What we witnessed Monday night from Tom Brady and the New England Patriots’ offense was sheer brilliance. It was a historic performance by Brady, who racked up 517 yards and four touchdowns in the 38-24 romping of the Miami Dolphins by the Pats.

Brady’s night was assisted by Wes Welker, who had eight catches for 160 yards and two of Brady’s touchdown passes, including a beautiful 99 yard catch and run by Welker, who scampered away from everybody to tie the NFL record for longest touchdown reception.

Deion Branch, a.k.a. Tom Brady’s real lover (sorry Gisele, Deion was here first), also had a strong night with seven grabs for 93 yards.

The two-headed tight-end monster of Rob Gronkowski and Aaron Hernandez claimed another victim Monday night as the two combined for seven receptions for 189 yards and Brady’s other two touchdowns.

Every game it becomes more and more obvious that these two are both matchup nightmares on their own, much less when they are on the field together. Every defensive coordinator on the Patriots’ schedule just ordered 100 tons of Dunkin’ Donuts coffee and a futon because they’re going to be spending some late nights scratching their heads and wondering how to stop these two.

In the obligatory Ochocinco update, Chad was targeted twice and made a very nice diving catch on the sideline for 14 yards. Unfortunately for the ex-Bengal, with Hernandez and Gronk ripping apart defenses left and right, he is an unnecessary player and therefore probably won’t get a lot of playing time or targets.

On a sad note, Pro Bowl Center Dan Koppen was lost with what looked like an ankle injury that could be the end of his season. Nate Solder provided light on the offensive line as the rookie tackle kept Cameron Wake, Miami’s big edge rusher, on a tight leash all game.

On the defensive side of things, the story sounds pretty similar to last year. The Patriots’ lackluster offense made Chad Henne look like, well, Dan Marino. He threw for 416 yards of his own and two touchdowns. His only interception came in garbage time on the last play of the game, even though Leigh Bodden and Devin McCourtey both dropped picks earlier in the game.

Yes, it was a shootout, and yes, he threw it almost 50 times, but the gaudy stat line is not impressive for a Patriots’ defense that, at least on paper, should be much improved from last season.

Miami running backs had less than 60 yards, so the run defense certainly is a strength. Then again with 12 feet-7 inches and 700 pounds of man on the interior line between Vince Wilfork and Albert Hanesworth, you wouldn’t be able to move that defensive line either.

Overall the defense is getting better, especially in the area of pressuring the quarterback, where some definite strides were made Monday night, as there was almost always a white jersey in Henne’s face and he had to escape a sack multiple times.

It was a solid performace by the Patriots, and anyone who doubted this team as a contender for the Super Bowl or Tom Brady as the best quarterback in the game (cough, cough, ESPN’s ‘experts’) is probably reconsidering their stance. But as Coach Belichick always says, “Yeah, we could use some improvement in some areas.”

The Patriots will face the San Diego Chargers in Foxboro, Mass. next week as two aspiring AFC Champions face off in an early season contest that figures to be a true contest.

Oh, and the Peyton Manning-less Indianapolis Colts lost big. All is well.